If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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