I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize