It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish i was in the wii world.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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