dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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