OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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