Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
