I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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