Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
