What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
