I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
