i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
