I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
