I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
