Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
