omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im six kinds of drunk right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
