it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
