I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
