Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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