Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize