Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
