my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
