I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
