i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
