Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
