im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
