I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize