i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
