You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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