i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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