I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
