fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
