My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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