He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
