; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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