Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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