I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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