And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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