I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
