After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
