The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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