I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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