you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
