I cut my penus on the lid.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
