Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
