I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize