YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
