Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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