i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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