Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
