The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
