if i can run in heels then i can drive
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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