I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
