Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
