My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
