So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
