I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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