Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
