operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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