It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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