You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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