I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that's an acceptable place to lick
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
