Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
