a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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