At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
