Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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