No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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