I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
