I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
