see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just gift wrapped bread.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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