You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
