The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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