Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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