Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
