You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
