She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
