D3 body, D1 cock
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
