I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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