Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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