I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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