woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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