Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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