If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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