I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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