glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the condom got lost in my hair
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
