She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
