is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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