My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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