You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
