Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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