I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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