I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
