omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
