Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
