dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
