we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
there is glitter all over my balls
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
