the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
