remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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