I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
