Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
