question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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