Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize