i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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