There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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