im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
