Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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