Yo dont text me then not text me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
