I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize